For once I'm proud to be a Missourian!

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not a very political person by any means. I don't understand a lot of the crap that goes on in politics, but there are a few things that catch my attention. The healthcare sham was one of them. Although I do think something needs to be done with healthcare, I don't think that Obamacare is the right thing. There are simpler things that can be tried first, like allowing insurance companies to compete state to state. Anyways, what I really didn't agree with was requiring EVERYONE to have health insurance and penalizing them if they don't. The government claims that all of us who are merely American citizens don't know what's good for us, and we have to have the decision made for us. If we continue in that line of reasoning, then we don't know how to pick a president so someone should choose for us, we can't handle our finances so someone else should control all of our money, and any other areas of our lives that are out of control should be taken over by someone other than ourselves. This "someone" would be the government. Make sense? HELL NO! I know that there are problems in our country, I know that everyone struggles making decisions and being responsible with certain things, but does that mean our RIGHT to choose what we want should be taken away? I was appalled when Obamacare passed, I couldn't believe that this president had the balls to push something through that the majority of the people (and the majority rules) OBVIOUSLY didn't want.

So back to the "proud to be a Missourian" thing. I went to vote yesterday, and the last question on the ballot was actually asking ME, the lowly American, what I wanted to do about healthcare! Shock, awe, total disbelief! FINALLY, there was the opportunity for Americans, at least those of us in Missouri, to let the damn government know what WE wanted. The question asked:

Shall the Missouri Statutes be amended to:

• Deny the government authority to penalize citizens for refusing to purchase private health insurance or infringe upon the right to offer or accept direct payment for lawful healthcare services?

YES, YES, YES!!! Yes, the Missouri statutes should be amended to stop the government from FORCING us to do something we don't want to do. As far as healthcare, like I said, I do think that something needs to be done. But passing legislation regardless of what the people (that the president is supposed to be serving) want done is wrong, and I'm just so happy that the people finally got to say something. And you know what's funny? Seventy percent of Missouri wanted nothing to do with the government penalizing us for not doing what they want us to do. Just wait till the rest of American gets to weigh in!!!!

Boring....

Nothing is happening. At all. Well, I guess I can't say that, cause there's always something happening, just not the usual chaos and mayhem that's usually going on. The kids are getting along, dinner is on the stove, and all is mostly well. I'm still stuck on the kids getting along part.

So the budget is going well, and I officially have $400 towards the $76K we need to start building. So we only need $75,600! Woo-hoo! The spending is still in check, although I know I'm gonna have to drop some cash on school supplies for the kids. That sucks. I'm still really excited about building, though, I can't wait! Not a night goes by that I don't dream about building or living in a new house. I think I'm mostly excited about the fact that we will be building with our own two hands (well, 4+ hands because it'll be me and Charlie and some help) and that we get to design the house based on our needs. That's so much more awesome than buying a house, since when you buy you're stuck with whatever the person who designed the house put into it. And since we've been living in our current POS home for so long, it's easy to see how we'd like things to be different. I've been bothering the guy who owns the company that makes building for so cheap possible with random phone calls and questions, even though we still have 3 1/2 years to go before we can start building. It's only been like 3 weeks since I learned of them, so imagine what the next few years will be! I can't help it, I'm so excited. I've been drawing up floor plans for the past week, and my mother in law is just as obsessed as I am.

So I have some good news: my uncle gave us a brand new fridge! I'm so excited! Who said a girl can't get excited over an appliance??? It's black and it's bigger than the old fridge, and did I mention it's brand new and FREE? Apparently someone screwed up an order for a rental property my uncle owns, and he got so mad that he told Charlie if he could find a fridge to fit the home we could have the other one. So Charlie measured the space and got a fridge, and now we have the other one.

It's also cooling down here, which is awesome. Not running the A/C can be tough, and there are some days when I'm am so freaking tempted to turn the darn thing on. Like to the point where I'm having dreams about closing the windows and sitting next to one of the floor vents. It sucks. But at the same time, we end up saving so much money by just toughing it out, and all I can think is that by saving a little here and a little there we are so much closer to building a home we can be proud of, a home that will be so well insulated and energy efficient that we can run the A/C to our heart's content and not worry about forking over an arm and a leg each month in electric payments. It will be worth it. That's what I keep telling myself.

So we had a pretty awesome opportunity come up. A relative has a $200k house that he's willing to sell us for $150k, but we would have to make and maintain payments of $1,400/month. With interest and taxes and everything it would take us like 10 years to pay it off, and it's not as big as the house we're planning on building. There's no way in hell we could put that much into a house for that long. As it stands we're putting aside $2k/month for almost 4 years from now and we'll 100% own a 2880 square foot house. It would be nice to not live in a broken down manufactured home, but once again I gotta think about long term. Do I want to get in over my head? Hell no. Do I want to live in a nice house on 3 acres? Absolutely. Is it worth being in debt for 10 years? No. Now, is living in a crappy house on a short 1/2 acre for 4 years worth having and owning an awesome house? YES. It's totally worth it. So (sigh) we are not moving to the fancy house down the road, we are toughing out the crappy house in hopes of bigger and better things.

This is getting pretty lengthy, so I'm cutting it off here. Thanks for reading (if anyone even does).

First weekend of the new budget...Success!

Okay, I know it doesn't seem like much, but it is. Weekends are the hardest time to keep from spending money. This weekend was a success for the most part. We spent $20 on gas to go see my baby nephew, and that's about it. Charlie wanted to drop $45 on a new tire for the lawnmower, but I think there's a cheaper way to find one. I mean, a new tire for a car is like $70, and they're like 10 times the size of a lawnmower tire. There HAS to be a better way, or at least a cheaper place to buy one. If there's not, we'll have to wait till the end of the month when I'm sure nothing more important comes up for us to spend the $45 on.

On a side note, the kids are staying with my sis this week! Yay!!! I love them to death, but sometimes a break is AWESOME!

Saving For Our House and Budgeting 101

Posted this on Yahoo! as well, just so anyone who may come across it knows the Yahoo! post is from me as well!



So I thought about it, and I decided that the best way to keep me on track with my budgeting would be to write about it. Spending money is fun and easy, but saving money is the opposite. This is my plan:

~ We are going to live on $300 a month after bills and food
~ We will have enough money to build a do-it-yourself home in a few years
~ We will not deviate from the spending plan unless it is a true emergency (major appliance dying, vehicle, etc)

That's the basic plan. I just hope it works. A lot of family members and friends have been asking me to help them set up a budget of their own, so I figured I would post the way I do it. So here goes, and I hope this helps someone out!

Starting a budget!

Before you even think about a budget, set your goal. Why do you want to budget your money? Are you trying to become debt-free? Are you saving for a house, or the kids' college, or are you just wanting to break free from the paycheck-to-paycheck thing? Whatever your goal is, get it FIRMLY set not only what your goal is but why you have that goal. A carrot on a stick will keep a horse going, but a rock is gonna make him look at you like you're an idiot. In other words, if you don't want your goal bad enough, no amount of budgeting or planning is going to do it for you.

FIRST: TOTAL YOUR BILLS

Maybe you, too, want to budget your monthly income so you can save some dough. Where did I start? Okay, I'm pretty good a math (read: I can add and subtract and average numbers) so the easy stuff comes first. This is the part where all of my monthly bills get added up for the past year and averaged. So 12 months of electric bills averaged, 12 months of gas, 12 months of phone, etc. Averaging can be avoided if you're like me and you know EXACTLY how much each bill should cost each month, and the difference in certain bills like heating and cooling during the summer versus the winter months. Like, I'm not going to spend $100/month for heat during the summer, right? It's only going to be like $20.

This is the first part of reducing your monthly out-of-pocket costs. What recurring bills do you have that you can reduce? Are you paying for a 2000 minute cell phone plan when you only use half of that each month? Usually you can change your cell phone plan without renewing or changing your contract. Are you paying for a home phone that you NEVER use? What else is coming out of your hard-earned paycheck that you don't use or really don't need?

After you get your averages or cost per month down, you gotta find the total cost of the bills per month by (you guessed it) adding them together. Not hard. Now you gotta get into the more labor intensive part.


STEP 2: TOTAL YOUR EXPENSES

So you have your total bills per month, now you gotta find your total food cost, toiletries, and gas for your car. To find these numbers, you might have to do some digging into your bank statements. Hopefully you keep track of your purchases by writing them down. No? Me neither. Okay, so hopefully you keep all the receipts. This is something I do, although my husband fails miserably at keeping track of little pieces of paper. So the other option is that you pay for almost everything with plastic, which isn't a stretch nowadays.

If you don't keep receipts, a list of your purchases, or pay with plastic everywhere, then YOU BETTER START NOW! It's kinda hard to track your spending if you have no clue where your money goes. How can you tell what part of your budget goes to food? Clothing? Entertainment? Unless you have a superhuman memory or you only get like $20 a week you won't be able to budget your dinero. Keep track of EVERYTHING.

For those of us who use their trusty debit card for everything (NOT CREDIT!!!), there's a very simple way to track your spending. Go find your bank statement and starting adding. If you're not sure about something try to guess, like if you have a $200 purchase from Wal-Mart and you're sure it wasn't just fishing gear, guesstimate how much you think was spent on catfish bait and bass lures and how much went to food for the fishing trip. Some things will be easy, like knowing that a purchase from Khol's was most definitely for non-food items, or a purchase from Hy-Vee doesn't include a stereo. Just go through at least a few months to get an idea of what you spent where. Here are a few categories that you're trying to fill:

~ Food
~ Clothing
~ Toiletries
~ Household supplies
~ Gas (Only for places you MUST go, like work, school, household shopping, etc, not social stuff)
~ Gas (For non-necessary trips, like social and extra-curricular stuff)
~ Entertainment
~ Electronics
~ Toys (if you have a male significant other or kids)

Just change the list to make categories that fit your lifestyle. Once you get an idea of how much you spend on bills and each expense on your list each month, now comes the moment of truth. Add up your total CASH income for the month, and compare it to the total bills+expenses. Do not compare this amount to how much of your credit card limit PLUS cash income you use each month. Now, how much do you have left over? Are you negative? Or do you have a few bucks left?


STEP 3: TOTAL YOUR "NEEDS" EXPENSES AND REDUCE
(If you absolutely cannot reduce, don't worry about it)

Okay, so you've got your list of bills each month, and you've got your list of expenses. Now what? Start with things you MUST have, like food for the family, household supplies and toiletries. Needs, not wants. Need: food. Want: going out to eat every week. Get it? This is where the gas for the car to get to work, school, and other MUST GO places is put. So, if we begin with food, don't just jot down the number on your expense list. Think about it. How much food goes to waste or gets thrown away? How much extra food is in the house at the end of the month? Odds are that if you're not living on a budget, you're overspending on food. How much do you spend on restaurants or fast food? You could spend $5 on a burger when out to eat or you could spend $5 on a pound of raw hamburger, a tomato, an onion, and a few buns depending on how you shop, which would equal four quarter-pounders. Take into consideration how much money could be better spent. You could have bought hot dogs for $.99/lb instead of $1.50/lb if you had waited a few days to buy them and taken advantage of the local supermarket sale. You could have bought chicken quarters for $.49/lb instead of $1.20/lb if you had looked at the sale ad sooner. There are things that I refuse to buy unless they're on sale for a good price unless I absolutely need them, so you have to accustom yourself to browsing the sale ads each week. It will take time, but eventually you will know what a "good deal" is when food shopping. In the meantime, if you're serious about saving money and living on a budget, shave off any excess spending in each "need" category. Do you really need to go out to eat every day, or could you pack a lunch for yourself instead? Do you need to buy name-brand shampoo, or will a cheaper/store brand work just a well? Assign a total maximum spending limit for each category, like $200/month on food, $25/month on toiletries, and $25/month on household supplies. Think about any unnecessary driving you may be doing. Can you get your gas budget under $250/month?


STEP 4: TOTAL YOUR "WANTS" EXPENSES AND REDUCE
(Unless you've got tons of money left over each month, you HAVE to reduce!)

Once you're done with the necessities, start with the "wants" on your list. Put the gas expense for social and extracurricular stuff here. Start shaving those down as well. Instead of going to the movies once a week, limit yourself to once or twice a month. Or save your movie splurge for when something comes out that you have to see. Do you really need the newest gadget coming out this month? Or could you wait a few months for the cost to go down? Most new electronics go down in price after they've been on the market for a while. Could you wait that long, or is it a dire emergency?


STEP 5: WHY BUY NEW WHEN YOU CAN BUY USED???

Honestly, there are so many places where you can buy used things that are still in excellent condition. Lose the champagne attitude and look at thrift stores for clothes! Especially clothing for kids, since kids ruin or grow out of clothing within months. A friend of mine buys a new pair of designer shoes for her toddler every few months because he outgrows them so darn quick, or she tries to keep him wearing them even when they don't fit just so she feels like she "got her money's worth" out of them. Seriously? Go to Wal-Mart, go to Goodwill, get the cheap lightly worn shoes! He's only gonna trash them anyway!

Appliances are the same way. You'd be surprised how many "other" people buy new appliances before they need them, and their perfectly fine old stuff just gets tossed. Browse Craigslist, Freecycle, or the Yellow Pages for second hand appliance stores. Now, a lot of those places will sell you something crappy, so look at the online reviews. You'll always see a few bad reviews no matter what, but if most of them are good then go for it. It's worth a call to see what they have. Also, I do not buy appliances that don't come with a free complete warranty. Most of these stores are Mom and Pop shops that find and fix things to resell. They should warranty their work for at least 1 year, as in a complete warranty that covers parts, labor, etc. After the first year it becomes a partial warranty, meaning labor is covered but parts aren't (or vice versa). After the third year the warranty become more exclusive or expires, and so on. If they give you 10 pages of fine print I'd be leery, since a used appliance warranty should be simple and concise, plain English with no fancy lawyer talk. You can avoid the need to use that credit card you're getting ready to cut up (see step 6) in an emergency if you buy used!


STEP 6: KILL THE CREDIT CARDS!!!!!

Credit cards. Oh boy. I'm thankful to say that I've never fallen into this trap, nor will I ever fall into this trap. Credit cards are the spawn of satan, as many people have discovered albeit too late. Stop buying stuff on credit cards! All you're doing is creating even more debt for yourself, debt that is almost impossible to get out from under once it's too late. And too late with credit cards can start with your first purchase. Now, some people have an emergency and have no choice but to use their credit card. If that happens, then you're pretty much stuck. But you need to shave something off of your budget each month so you can pay off what you purchased. Here's an example. I need a refrigerator, and I don't have cash. I use my credit card and buy a $150 unit (not the $1500 unit from Lowe's) from a used appliance store. I take $50 each month out of my various budgets, and in 3 months the fridge is paid off except for interest (unless you have one of those 6 months to a year no interest things going on, in which case you're all done and paid up!). See? But unless it really is an emergency, don't touch that card. As a matter of fact, once you get a nice little cushion fund saved up you can put that card in the shredder!

I know nothing about paying down credit card balances, but I do know that paying the minimum balance on a credit card debt will get you nowhere. Sorry I don't have any more advice, but I've never had one.


STEP 7: SET YOUR BUDGET AND DON'T LET IT MOVE!

Now you have three main lists: bills, expenses, and wants. Now what? Here are a couple questions to ask yourself:

~ Have I reduced everything down to the bare minimum I'm willing to live with?
~ Is the bare minimum I'm willing to live with still too much, or could I go lower?

If you can honestly say yes to the first and no to the second, it's time to move on. You have to total all three main lists and compare them to your monthly income. If you're still negative, well, you're gonna have to cut down on more expenses. If you're not negative but the left over number isn't what you hoped, then keep reducing. If the left over number seems like a lot, don't get excited. There is one more thing that has to be added to the final monthly total before you can set your budget. I call it "Miscellaneous". This category is for unexpected things that come up that don't count as emergencies. Say your mom calls and wants you to come over. You don't want to live like a complete hermit while you're saving! The gas money for that trip would come out of this category. Say you have to pay for a prescription or pay a co-pay on a doctor visit. Miscellaneous comes in handy for stuff like that. Don't go overboard and make your "Misc." budget huge, just a small sum that you think would cover a little extra gas or something.

Once you get your "Misc." amount down, you're ready to finalize your budget. Whatever you have left over is your savings. SAVINGS, not "I have extra money so I can buy a TV" money. This money needs to be put into a savings account and not be touched unless the devil himself is at your door. Seriously.


STEP 8: DON'T GIVE UP!!!

Don't worry if it takes a few months to get your budget perfect. You may have estimated WAY too much for one bill or not enough for another, so adjust accordingly. But once you get a couple of months down you need to stick with it. It may seem like it's going to be forever before you reach your savings goal, but a few years is nothing compared to a lifetime of creditors or being stuck in a crappy house or having nothing to pass on to your kids. You really want the executor of your estate dividing up your ABC gum collection to your heirs? And if you're young enough you can start your budget long before you get into debt that will drown you, and you can buy your first house or that fancy car with the CASH you've been saving!


EXTRA STUFF

SALE ADS:

Okay, just cause the label at the store says it's on sale, or an item is featured in a sale ad, doesn't mean it's a good deal. Shopping sales takes practice, so don't jump and buy up an item that looks like it's a good buy. You can save money by investing in a deep freezer (if you have room) after you've got a decent amount in your savings and buying meat and veggies in bulk. I can't count the times I've found $.99/lb hamburger on sale and bought 100lbs of it. If you can't get a deep freezer because of lack of space or money, you can buy non perishables in bulk. I always have cheap Mac and Cheese on hand for the kids, and my general rule of thumb is to replace as I use. If I have 20 bags of frozen veggies and I use 5, I'm going to go buy 5 more on the next shopping trip to bring me back up to 20 if I can get them for a decent price.

CUTTING YOUR FOOD BUDGET:

Never eat out. Never. It's a HUGE waste of money! I cook everything from scratch or almost from scratch, and I cook in quantity. I'm not going to make one meal for one night, I'm going to make enough for leftovers to last the week! So what if everyone's sick of it after 2 days, I'll put it in the freezer and they can eat it later. Or they can get over it, at least they aren't starving, right? If you can't cook, LEARN! It's not that hard! Get a cookbook for the amateur cook and try a new recipe every week (you might not want to cook in quantity until you get the recipe down, though). I love my Joy of Cooking cookbooks. I have the old ones with the weird old recipes and the newer books with grilled pizza recipes. If you do get a Joy of Cooking, check Ebay or Amazon. And get the one titled "The All New All Purpose Joy of Cooking", since it has the most up-to-date recipes. It's the perfect cookbook for a new cook, it literally gives you step by step instructions. I'm a firm believer that with the right seasoning any meal can taste good. Garlic powder, salt, pepper, chili powder (for mexican dishes), Italian seasonings (for pasta sauce), and onion powder are my staples.

IF YOU NEED TO DIP INTO YOUR SAVINGS:

If at all possible, don't put your hand in the cookie jar until it's halfway full, that way it's harder to notice if one or two are missing. In other words, wait until you have a decent amount in your savings before you spend any of it. Establish an emergency fund that totals at least 3-6 months of your must have expenses, like bills and other necessities. Anything on top of that can be lightly skimmed (stress LIGHTLY) if you absolutely need to. Of course, if you have an emergency you may have to spend some of your savings even if you don't have the 3-6 months cushion yet.


IF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER CAN'T SAVE/REFUSES TO SAVE:

Face it. Women are better at doing the math (usually) than men. A couple I know desperately wants and needs to save money, and they make enough to save a decent amount, but the guy just can't seem to stop spending the money. She has no problem with the budget, but even though she gives him a decent amount (although a very small amount with little room for overspending) from his paycheck each week he always wants more. They fight like cats and dogs about it, he says that it's his money from his paycheck so he should be able to spend it how he wants, and she says tough because she has a family goal in mind. What to do?

If your significant other can't see past the here and now to reach a long term goal, a relationship can go from perfect to ruin in days. Here are a few things you can do in this situation.

A) You can give in and let all the money get wasted away.

B) You can tough it through and hope that your partner sees the light when you reach your first milestone.

C) You can compromise when your partner is sane (as in, not flipping out because he/she wants more money), and try to agree on a different amount.

D) You can take all of the money and ration it according to the budget, so your partner is left guessing as to how much money there really is.

I'm not saying that any of these options are right, as a matter of fact men (in my limited experience) tend to hold a grudge in situations where decisions are made for them. The only option not listed here is splitting up, because no one wants to split up over money, although statistics show that well over 50% of divorces are the result of money disagreements. The couple I mentioned opted for D. She takes all of the money and splits it up, then hides it so he doesn't know how much there is. Is it right? I don't know. Does it work for her? Yes.

In my situation my husband is very on board with the idea of savings, and I handle all of the money. When he gets paid he takes an exact, set amount out in cash, and every remaining penny gets deposited into the bank account. His amount is for gas, nothing else, because he knows that any extra money he may have will be frittered away on useless things. He wasn't always on board, so I chose option B. I toughed through all the freaking out, then, when he realized that we would OWN something in a few short months everything changed. It's up to you if you decide to choose one of the above options or something completely different, but my advice is to try as hard as you can to reason it out. Even men can see the light, it just might take a while.


WHAT TO DO IF YOUR BILLS ARE SPREAD OUT EACH MONTH

So you have your plan, but you can't pay all of your bills at the end of the month. They're all due at different times throughout the month. Here's a simple solution:

Get a stack of envelopes and write the name of the bill on the outside. Then, divide the total amount of the bill by the number of paychecks you get each month. That's the amount that needs to go into the envelope each paycheck. Always round up, not down. Say my phone bill is $50/month, and I get paid bi-weekly. I need to put $25 in the phone envelope each paycheck. But what if the bill is due before I put the second $25 in? That's when you may have to cut into your first month's savings so you can get onto a set schedule. I would take the second $25 out of my savings and put it in the envelope so the bill can be paid, that way next month I'll be putting the 2nd $25 in when the bill is due. Make sense? Do this for each bill INCLUDING your target savings for the month. If you cut into your first month's savings to compensate for a billing cycle, don't worry about it. Just put whatever's left into the saving's envelope.

I didn't do it!

It's like 3am right now, and I'm bored. I should have gone to the gym tonight, but I vetoed myself. For some reason I thought I might be sleeping right now or something? I don't know. Anyways, I was standing at the front door and saw a few splotches of blue ink on the walls and on the floor, and I couldn't help remembering how they got there.

A month or two ago I walked through the living room to the kitchen to start dinner. A few seconds later something clicked in my head. Did I see what I think I saw? I love it how when you're programmed to tune into kids there's that delayed response when something is out of whack. Like you're on the phone having a very important discussion and suddenly you realize that the house is way too quiet and you can't remember how long it's been too quiet. Then you have that split second of panic until you locate the kids, make sure they haven't destroyed anything important, and make sure they're still alive so that if they have destroyed something important you can kill them. Not literally, of course.

So I go back into the living room to see blue spots and splotches covering the entire floor. It was EVERYWHERE. Not only the floor, but the dog's white coat was speckled, and all three of the kids are sitting there like nothing happened. It didn't take long to figure out who the culprit was. I stared at him, and he stared right back at me. This is how it went:

Me: "What happened, Matthew." Not a question, a statement.
Him: "I dunno."
Me: "What happened, Matthew."
Him: "Ummm, welllll.......somehow a pen flew up into the fan and exploded and now I'm covered in blue."
Me: "You mean you THREW the pen at the ceiling fan and it broke, right?"
Him: "I guess so."

Here I must add that my statements *may* not have been as calm as they seem. I *may* have been borderline psychotic at this moment. Maybe. About 45 minutes later, Matthew is still on hands and knees with the kitchen cleaner and a rag trying to scrub up his mess. Only problem is, kitchen cleaner doesn't take ink off of laminated flooring, so I end up on MY hands and knees scrubbing the floor with dish soap. An hour after that I've bribed Jordyn into helping me, and 30 minutes after that I've given up on being a perfectionist. Hence the reason why there are still patches of blue ink on my floor.

That is all.

First Post!

So I have decided that I am too stressed out, and so, after receiving advice from a very trusted and reliable source (an article on Yahoo!) I am starting a blog. Oh boy! Usually I have no problem thinking of something interesting to write about, but at the moment I am having a bit of a brain issue. I guess a little bit of history would be a good idea, so here goes.

I am 24 years old, married, and I have three children. I'm not sure which of these three conditions contributes the most to my stress levels, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's probably the latter of the three. The marriage thing isn't bad, it's actually quite enjoyable. My husband, Charlie, and I don't have an anywhere near perfect marriage, but for the most part we get along very well. For the small part we fight like cats and dogs, but it's such a small part that I think it's not really worth mentioning, so I won't mention it. We've been married since April Fool's Day of 2006 (no joke), and I love him more now than I did when we first said "I do". I know, so cheesy, but it's true. I can honestly say he's my best friend, which apparently in this day and age is no small thing. It gets even worse, though: when answering the question of picking one person to be stranded on a island in the middle of nowhere with, my answer is Charlie. Pathetic.

The kid thing is a whole different story. And complicated. Not that I don't love it, because I do, 100% completely more or less. I guess I had just expected to get children the more conventional way. I know, now I have to explain the un-conventional way, so here goes. It's a long story, so bear with me.

It started the night I met Charlie. He was having a Get Out On Parole party at his mom's house after he got released on parole, and I somehow got tricked into going by my best friend. Some friend, right? I was 18. I got out of the car, walked to the house, and this guy (Charlie) comes running out and sees me. He stops dead in his tracks and his mouth drops open. Apparently I was pretty drop dead gorgeous before I gained my marriage weight. Picture those corny scenes from the movies, that's exactly what happened. I have witnesses. I walk right past him and through the front door, and this little kid comes running up to me, arms open wide, screaming "Mama, Mama, Mama!". Please don't ask me why I didn't turn around and run. I still don't know the answer to that question. So, naturally, I comment, "Um, someone's kid is calling me 'Mama'", and Charlie locates his voice long enough to claim the two year old child now hugging my legs. Okay. So later that night Charlie finds the nerve to ask me out and later mentions that he's going to marry me (once again, don't ask why I didn't run), and I agreed. To the dating part, the marrying didn't come until much later after he cleaned up and became a model citizen. Turns out the kid, Matthew, didn't have his mother in his life, which explained why he thought I was his mom, and me being a bleeding heart decided that as long as I was with his Daddy I may as well be Mama. It didn't help that every time I tried telling him my name he firmly refused to call me anything but Mama. And he was cute. A year later Charlie found Jesus and became a good kid, and I married him. He got sole custody of Matthew, and I was Mama for good.

One down, two to go. The acquiring of the second two kids isn't nearly as amusing as the first, provided you thought the first was amusing to begin with. In fact, there's nothing funny about it, sorry to say. In the beginning of 2009, almost three years after Charlie and I got married, my sister-in-law, Cassie, killed herself. I don't know why she killed herself, there was no BS note (since all suicide notes, in my opinion, are nothing but BS), but in doing so she left behind three children: an 8 year old girl named Jordyn, a 6 year old boy named Wesley, and a 9 month old baby boy named Riley. Riley's father stepped in to care for him, but the other two kids were a different story. Jordyn's father was in prison in another state and Wesley's father was a one-night-stand that had no interest in raising children, only fathering them. The night I heard about Cassie's death there was no doubt in my mind that Jordyn and Wesley would be moving in with us. There was no question, no need to talk it over. Charlie and I both knew. And that's what happened.

We moved Jordyn into the extra room we had, and Wesley, who is only two days older than Matthew, shares a room with Matthew. We didn't know who the fathers were right off, and that was a process all its own. Many hours were spent on the phone, Google, and Microsoft Word trying to draw up guardianship forms for the kids after learning the names of the fathers, and I am very proud to say that I didn't need an attorney for any of it until Missouri slapped me with some rule about requiring a lawyer for conservators. So our lawyer happily took all of the paperwork I had drawn up, filed it, and walked away with a nice paycheck practically free, although it was only a fraction of what we would have paid if he had needed to do all the serving and typing and whatnot that I had done for him.

So now we have three kids instead of just one. It's fun, yes, but so stressful. We have two pitbulls that we rescued, a male named Tuna and a female named Sasha. Sasha doesn't get along with Tuna, so she has to be kenneled when he's out and vice versa. We have about 50 chickens and 9 ducks, although it will only be 48 chickens when we have our next barbecue.

That's the story, in a nutshell. Now you'll understand what I mean when I say I have acquired children, or obtained them. There's a lot more to it, of course, but I'm happy with the above explanation for now. I hope you enjoyed reading about me, and I'll post more when I can think of something to post!